Bon Mots

  1. From you sir, I will keep a safe distance, as I do not want to catch the plague.
  2. The air surrounding my body trembles in fear of your blade.
  3. Madam, I shall call you Rubella, it describes your lowly social station as well as your diseased breath.
  4. You have truly mastered the art of oafish incompetentce.
  5. Not to critique your style, but I have always been taught to *hit* your targets with the blade.
  6. Oh, oh my. Please, if you survive this scuffle, see to bathing at least once this year.
  7. I sincerely hope that your blood does not ruin my blade with its foul consistency.
  8. Your technique reminds me of a Brevoy prince I once practiced with. He was quite skilled for an 8-year old.
  9. Your instructor must be quite proud of you. You have above average talent for a beginner.
  10. Shall I stand still? You seem to be having some difficulty.
  11. I'm sorry for the poor beggar you robbed for his clothes.
  12. I have met many skilled Dwarven warriors. You sir, are not one of them.
  13. It seems someone has left the local sewer grates unlocked.
  14. You know, it isn't bad manners to block a strike now and then?
  15. Ah, who does your marvelous hair? A medusa perhaps?
  16. Not to impugn your lovely countenance, milady, but if I were to throw a stick, I imagine you'd chase after?
  17. I'm quite busy right now. Would you mind terribly if just I ignore you for the time being?
  18. Ah yes, I see that your friend here has gotten his fighting talents from you. Too bad, he's left you with none remaining.
  19. I'm sorry, but are you even taking this fight seriously?
  20. Excuse me, but I believe you should be out in the street. That's where the trash gets picked up.
  21. I've been told that I am an acquired taste. If you don't like me, you should acquire some taste!
  22. If laughter is the best medicine, then your swordsmanship is curing all these witnesses.
  23. My days of not taking you seriously are in full bloom.
  24. I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils and ears like that?
  25. I've been called worse things by better men.
  26. You are like a dark cloud in the sky. When you disappear, it becomes a beautiful day.
  27. You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are. That's your parent's job.
  28. You have something on your chin. The third one.
  29. If I call you an oafish clod, I'm not being insulting, just descriptive.
  30. Maybe you'd have better luck using your left hand?
  31. Not everyone can be great, but with some real effort you could be less hopeless.
  32. I have learned that there are some truly offensive people in this world. Thank you for teaching me that lesson.
  33. A priest friend of mine always told me to kill people with kindness. But in your case, I'll use the blade.
  34. Meeting you today has made me quite jealous of anyone who hasn't.
  35. From the moment we met I've thought, "maybe being blind wouldn't be so bad after all."
  36. I've been told that "you can't win them all." But I've been told lots of stupid things.
  37. As it seems you've been told otherwise, ignorant and incompetent shouldn't be life goals.
  38. Let's get this over with. You're boring me and I've got better things to do.
  39. Oh, that's just perfect. Now I've got shit on my blade.
  40. Give Charon my regards, tell him he'll be waiting for me a while yet.
  41. It seems you should have spent a bit more coin for some better quality armor.
  42. I feel somewhat guilty fighting someone who has apparently never held a sword before.
  43. I was wondering if you could be any more predictable with your tactics?
  44. "Well met" I shall say to you never
  45. Don't worry, I will not underestimate your skill. It is, after all, impossible.
  46. Clearly, intelligence is your dump stat.
  47. As the result of this battle is a forgone conclusion, I wonder: What shall I have for lunch after you are dead?
  48. Not to pry, but were you the runt of your litter?
  49. Ah, this battle isn't going quite the way I'd predicted. I assumed you'd present a challenge.
  50. I apologize in advance for my behavior. My mother always said I was a little stabby.
  51. Before this battle really gets started I just want to ask what you would like on your gravestone?
  52. I was hoping for a fair fight, but this one has been woefully below average.
  53. On your gravestone it will say: "Here lies Joe, he really should have ran away"
  54. You're in quite a pickle. You've no skills and no hope. If I were you, I'd surrender and then take a bath, of course.
  55. Are you sure you're doing that right? It seems like you are having some trouble.
  56. I'm sorry I was just under the misguided impression that wizards were supposed to intelligent
  57. Aw, don't be bitter. Just be better.
  58. I'll bet you had some big plans for your life. Ah well, prepare to be disappointed.
  59. Ah, it appears they've sent the local ninnyhammer.
  60. Don't expect mercy for being a bungling milksop. I abhor having to waste my time with the trash.
  61. Why is it that every stumblebum in the realm thinks they deserve to cross blades with me?
  62. Who is your next of kin that I should be informing of your death?